Things To Work On...

There are many things in my life that I either need to let go of or take more action against. Here's the start of that list:

1. Jealousy - it comes out of no where for no reason and isn't needed or provoked. It just needs to go.

2. Clean something every day.

3. Do something active, every day.

... TBC!
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"Sir I want to buy these shoes..."

I heard that song for the first time this season on my way home tonight and it always tugs on my heart. Not because it makes me sad, but because it reminds me what the season is truly about. Working in retail, I get to see small things and large things that people do for each other, however I also get to see the opposite end of things. People can be so petty....

Anyway...lets go back a few days!

Thanksgiving!
This year it was quite different than what I've been used to. Being in Oregon I have no family near by, there was no big dinner, but all in all, it wasn't bad. Jasmine and Nick went to their grandma's for a family gathering which left Chris and me to our own devices. The day before, I had suggested that we go to Shari's, a restaurant chain out here thats open 24/7. Their motto.." Year round, we never shut down." Anyway... I had the day off so we slept in, which was wonderful, and went to eat around 5. I was a little worried that it would be busy, but as we pulled into the parking lot there was just a few cars. We went in and were greeted warmly and sat by the manager who also promptly brought out our drinks. We were oo-ing and ah-ing over the menu, everything looked amazing! But, going traditional, we both got the Turkey Dinner... turkey, gravy, mixed veggies, sweet potatoes, mashed red skin potatoes, a large piece of corn bread and a side of cranberry sauce. And to top it off... we had soup to start, and pie for dessert. Everything, including the waitstaff, was amazing! But the thing that most impressed, but didn't surprise me really, was the amount of fun that Chris and I had just being together. We both missed our family and friends greatly, but for this year, just being with each other was enough. God has truly blessed me.

So today... was Black Friday... and I survived! I really did... It was a long day. 1-11pm for me, most of it spent at the service desk, save for the last 3 hours. But over all it was ok. Most everyone was in good spirits, associates included. And! I had home made mac and cheese waiting for me that Lindsay brought in. It was delicious. I came home today, made a couple cups of hot chocolate and put marshmallow fluff on the top and we shared the mac n cheese. Mmmm.

And to brag a bit more.. hehe, ok not brag, I'm just so thankful and blessed that he is the way he is. The other day we decided that the bed being under the leaking window was a bad idea. I know, who'da thunk it, right? So we decided to shift the bed to the opposite wall and such, all with just 45 minutes before I needed to leave for work. We were successful, but the bed was left unmade and piled with stuff. I expected to find it that way when I arrived home but, being the amazing guy he is, the room was fully put back together, and bed completely made! All 50 pounds of covers... hehe. We stay plenty warm now... but I'm still slightly in shock that I didn't have to ask, I didn't say a word. He just.. did. To know beyond the shadow of a doubt that he would hand me the world if it was his to give. *sigh* I love him...

Ah Monday...

Here it is again, that first day of the week that usually doesn't effect me too much. Working retail doesn't usually give one the actual weekend sensation so Mondays are no big deal, that is until customers decide to give me their issues that seem to come with Monday. I'm at Courtesy Desk today, and apparently I am to make the rest of the line wait while I go and find the items that a certain customer is wanting to return because she threw away the boxes. Said customer was perfectly fine with finding them for me when I mentioned it, yet was raving "I was just in such shock and disbelief that you would make me do such a thing!" when she returned to the counter. Next time... Keep your boxes. Kthanks. Anyway... Breaks over, back to work I go....
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Birthday Wishes!

(I tried to post this yesterday, but it failed... so ..)

Nov. 19:

On the way to the DMV this morning I was talking to Jasmine when I said something that made me stop and take a second. We were discussing the 35 question test I was going to have to take when out of my mouth popped "Well I should hope I'll pass it, I've been driving for almost 10 years..."

I turned 25 today. As much as I stand firm that age is just number and you are only as old as you feel, there are still things that tend to make me feel old. And that statement was one of them. It made me look back on my life and wonder where time has gone. I wouldn't change anything, in all honesty, because its what has happened in my life that has gotten me to where I am now. So, I remind myself that it doesn't matter who of my peers and former peers are married, have kids, or careers. I am where I'm meant to be in my life, and I'm happy with that. God knows what He's doing, and I'm going to let him do it.

On a different note, kinda...my day was fantastic, complete with a new experience for me. Chris, being the amazing guy he is, brought me flowers and a card to work. I almost fell over. I can't help but smile when he's around on a normal day, but tonight it seemed like all I could do was walk around with a goofy smile on my face. And you know how jealous it made the girls there. I keep telling him he's a rare breed but he denies it. "I'm just a decent guy." I always wondered what it would be like to be this happy.

 On an amusing note... I got phone calls from my mom, my grandma, and my brother. What does my dad do?  Posts "happy bday" on my facebook. Hehe. I love him.

Amazed...

So... To clarify the other day. I have been reminded how much my friends seem to love me. In the past two months it has been thrown into my face time and time again, and I can't help but smile for it. Examples, you say? Well, first off, my best friend jumped into a car with me and drove 2300 miles on my whim and very little planning. A new friend from work, knowing how much I wanted to be able to play WoW and wanting me to be able to play with her on there, bought me game time because she knew I didn't have the extra for it right now. A friend that I've known for a while, after seriously offering to pay for at least half of a CPU, should I find one that I like, for an early Christmas present has bought and shipped the collectors edition of the newest part of the game to me because he was missing me playing and doesn't want me left out. And then there's the love I feel and am shown on a daily basis. TBC...


*Ahem*

Sorry 'bout the sudden cut off, I was out of break time at work and out of room in the text box on my phone. Hehe. So where was I?

Ah yes, my daily loves... I live with some of the most amazing people I have ever come into contact with. I wake up and go to sleep with a smile on my lips and each new day holds promise and beauty. I'm not saying I don't get frustrated at times and that its all sunshine and rainbows. It isn't. But the way each day begins and ends gives me hope that someday, my life will be just the way I've always dreamed  it would be.
And last, but not least, I have my family, who in all honesty, have always been linked into my circle of friends. I talk to my mom daily and look forward to getting to hear her voice. When she sends me mail, her hand writing makes me cry. But its a good thing... I know that I miss her more than anything but that she's always there for me, no matter how many miles. I also know, and love knowing, that my brother and my dad are always just a text away.


Its the little things day to day that I don't always notice at the time, yet when I do it hits me hard just how much I'm loved. And I'm always amazed by it.

Speechless...

I can't help but be in awe of how amazing my friends are...

I'll explain later.

Dead Batteries and Random Messages...

My car... my lovely little car... why must you aggravate me so? This isn't the first time... and you trick me into thinking you won't do it again, yet you always seem to. You think I would learn...
So my day... work was from 8:30 am to 4:30 pm as a cashier. Not too bad, we were pretty busy so the day was zooming past! I get told its lunch time! Woohoo! So.. I grab my stuff, I get my purse, my keys... I'm heading to my sweet (or so it lets me think) little Kia, I press the Unlock button, and.... nothing happens. Great. I know where this is heading due to it not being the first time. That pretty little car that brought me some 2300 miles across the U.S. of A., has once again decided to keep its lights on (they're automatic, or suppose to be) and run down my poor battery. *sigh* So now my nice, easy going, fast paced day... has screeched to a halt. Frustration in my voice, I call my Momma.
"It happened again... my battery is dead."
"I'm sorry baby. Do you think you need a new one?"
"No... its just the thing with the lights..I'm gonna see if it might recharge itself a bit before my lunch is over."
"Ok... but can you call Chris? Would he be able to help?"
"Yeah, I'm gonna call him now. I just ... I'm just frustrated."
.....

*ring*ring*ring*

"What's up, Honey?"
"First of all, I'm sorry..."
"For.. what?"
"I need you to come to McMinnville when I get off at 4:30..."
*concerned voice* "What happened to your car?"
"Its dead."
"Dead how?"
"The battery... my lights... it will ding with the key but it won't turn over. I'm sorry... "
"Don't even worry about it. Its what I'm here for. I'll be there when you get off work. Not a big deal. *pause*    What time do I need to leave here to be there by 4:30?"


And that ... is one of the many things that make me smile daily. Nothing is a huge deal, nothing is out of the way, nothing is out of reach. I'm never a burden, and even when I do mess something up, we laugh about it. And God is so good... there was a space open right next to my car when he got there and the batteries are on opposite sides of the vehicles so they were positioned perfectly.

And then my phone started to freak out... but... all is well now!

On a slightly different note, I woke up around 5 am and checked my phone, as is my habit, to find a message on yahoo that made me smile and almost cry. "....I actually consider you a true friend. One of my best friends." from one that I have yet to meet in person. I'm excited for that chance! And Sir.. I'm honored to be able to call you "friend."

Of Birthdays and Achievements...

So... I will get the geek side of this post out of the way first. *Grin* I just want to say how proud I am of <Dark Sun Army> and their first defeat, in a full guild run, of the Lich King. It's been a long time coming, and you guys are amazing!

*Ahem*

Anyway. The last few days have been good. Both fun and relaxing while being filled with excitement and, of course, work. But to the fun things! Friday was Chris's 23rd birthday. Woo! *sings "Happy Birthday" again* And it just so happened that I had Friday off so I actually got to spend the whole day with him. It was a good time, I have to say. Pretty low key but, sometimes those are the best. The night before I had baked his cake (he can't remember anyone ever 'baking' him a cake before!) and did the main icing on it. I was going to do it all Friday morning as a big surprise, but our oven is really hot! I was watching it like crazy, it makes me so paranoid. A cake that was suppose to take at least a half hour to bake was done in just under 20 minutes. So I made it Thursday night, double layer chocolate cake with dark chocolate icing and a layer of coconut pecan icing in between, (It was amazing!) and I stuck it in the microwave for safe keeping. Up bright and early the next morning, I had Jasmine draw a Horde symbol and cut it out. Refreshing the icing on top just a bit, I used red sprinkles to put the symbol on the cake, and wrote "For The Horde!" across the bottom with "Zilladoom" across the top. (Yes, all stuff from WoW) Candles placed, and back into the microwave it went.

For breakfast, I made 2 different kinds of biscuits. My regular homemade Jiffy ones that go perfect with my gravy, and Pillsbury ones that he used to have all the time as a kid. Neither of which were burned in any way in the special oven of ours, I was so happy! There was also bacon, the gravy that my grandma taught me to make *smile*, and fried apples with smoked sausage. (Jasmine, while eating some of the sausage and apples later tells me that she may be in love with my sausage and ask me to make it more, hehe)
So finally, with everything complete, we pull the cake out and find a lighter. I take a piece of biscuit in and wake him up, knowing it will go over better if he has something to chew on, and give him a 5 minute warning, breakfast is almost ready. Can I just say that I hate the regular birthday cake candles? They burn way too fast! We got it lit and I really thought the cake would have a coating of wax all over it before he found his way to the kitchen, haha, but finally it was time! The look on his face was priceless! I had to almost poke him to blow the candles out because he was just staring at them, smiling.
We spent the rest of the day eating cake, snacking on left overs from breakfast, and playing video games. He's teaching me how to play "Champions, A Call to Arms"... I think that's the right name. There was a nap in there somewhere too. It was fantastic.


And now, its Sunday! I'm getting ready to get dressed and wake him up for church. I'm actually off work today as well so who knows what the day will hold! My love to you all!

A Night on Orion's Belt...

Driving home tonight after working my 8 hour shift, my mind began to wonder slightly to the "what ifs" as it does from time to time. "What if I had stayed at home? Did I really do the right thing by moving here? It's so far away from my family... I mean I know I'm happy here, and I'm less stressed than I was but...." And about that 'but' I looked straight out of my windshield and something caught my eye... Orion. I couldn't help but smile. For as long as I can remember, I have enjoyed being able to find the stars in the winter that mark Orion's Belt. In many ways it has comforted me in the past, knowing that no matter where I am, I can find it and know just where it falls in the sky at the house. Tonight was one of those nights.. the reminder that I needed. That no matter how far I travel, where ever I choose to roam, God is a big God and He knows my heart and my desires. He holds my family in His hands just as he holds me. And that no matter how far I am, its never too far.

As I sit here and type this, my eyes are slightly misty and I should really be asleep... but I just can't seem to get there. No, my heart isn't heavy, and my mind isn't going a million miles a hour for once. (Shocker there, I know). Day after day I feel more at peace with things, with myself. And day after day, I find myself better able to take in the beauty around me and know that this is what God has wanted for me all along. For my heart to return to Him so He can give me the peace and comfort that I need, fill the empty spot that's been there for so long. And through all these thoughts, I look to my right and see one of the most amazing men I've ever had the pleasure and privilege of knowing, and I see how he is trying, too, to get his life back to where he's happy. And that somehow, some way, I've been able to help with that. I can't help but smile. I can't help but to know that from here on out, life is looking up. I've broken hearts that I wish didn't have to be broken, but I can only hope and pray that they will be better for it. I've broken promises that I should never have made. I've told lies where I should have been honest. But the beauty of having a past is the fact that you can learn from your mistakes and take care to not walk those paths again.

“What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now.” -source unknown

Please forgive me...

I know that I have done things in the past that didn't turn out the way I thought they would... And that I could have handled things differently. I tried so hard to save hearts from being hurt... Tried in perhaps the wrong way. But I never did anything with malice... it wasn't my agenda to hurt and use, however that seems to be how its come across to some. I've made mistakes. But does that really mean that I need to relive them again and again? To answer for the same ones over and over? I've apologized in more ways than I can count... I just.. I give up. Yes, this year has been about me and what I've wanted. It has been 9 months of me making decisions based on my life and my heart. I'll be 25 in 18 days. Is that so horrible? That for one period of my life, my thoughts, my choices are following my heart and not someone else's desires? Does that make me a horrible person?

Such simple words...

...who knew they could almost make me cry. Since leaving for Oregon, I have only talked to my dad through Yahoo messenger, and a few texts. Chatting with him before work the other day he said the simplest thing. "Call me sometime." and I about burst into tears. I've yet to figure this one out, but the closest that I've come is that sometimes I feel like it doesn't matter if I talk to him or not in his mind. Don't get me wrong, I know it does. And I've never doubted that he loves me. It's just sometimes, I wonder if he's satisfied enough with our text conversations. It's nice to know that he still would like to actually talk...that he wouldn't be burdened. And yes, I know he's my father, and I'm not a burden.... its hard to explain.

Anyway...

Church was a good time this morning. The pastor has a way of preaching that I've seen in few. He's relaxed, easy going, funny... and he makes his point. This week he was teaching on Obeying the Law, Mat 5:17-20, and how so many times we hear people say that "That was old testament, it doesn't apply to today" but in verse 17 it states that He didn't come to abolish the old ways...and that the pastor, after studying on it for more that 2 weeks, came to the answer of that God wants us, has always wanted us, to keep the Spirit of the laws he put forth. That since the old testament days, he has broadened them and made them deeper. 3 weeks in... I like it there. It's starting to feel like "home." And I can't tell you how amazing it is to not have to fight someone to go to church with me...or to defend myself against another about why I think its important to go. God has blessed me, and I'm thankful more and more every passing day for what He's done for me, and given me. <3

Tomorrow... or today I suppose.. November 1st. This amazing Monday. Oxymoron? Nah.. I have it off. *smile* Therefore, its amazing! Friday is Chris's 23rd birthday. How exciting, right? I'm excited. I have that day off too, so I'm going to get up and make breakfast. My signature, of course! Bacon, biscuits and gravy, fried apples and smoked sausage... yum! I can taste it already. But, that means I have to go to the store later (maybe...) and get the stuff to make it.

*yawn* I suppose my pillow isn't suppose to talk? Even though I can hear it calling my name... But that's just silly... pillows don't have mouths.