When I look back on my life, I want to be able to say that I experienced it, lived it, not just lived in it. I want my children to be fearless... I want my husband to be passionate.. and I want me to be the kind of mother and grandmother that I grew up with. But most of all, I want what God made me to be.
I say that so often... that I want to be where He would have me and doing what He made me for. But a part of me is reluctant to let go and let God. I know it would be better... but I'm human. I want things to go my way. They hardly seem to, but eventually the end goal brings itself around.
I look at my life now and a part of me smiles while a part of me cries. I'm living in Oregon, 2400 miles from the majority of my family while sharing my life with the man I know beyond a shadow of a doubt God made for me. While a part of my mind screams at me that I should be back in Ohio with my Moma and Mamaw, the other part rejoices because I'm doing this. As much as it rains, it is a beautiful state with so much to see and do and experience. Yet for some reason we let money hold us back. The coast is an hour away.. just an hour. Yet we haven't been because of gas... and time. The mountains.. the parks... the wineries. I have been here almost a year and haven't seen any of those things. I know that the time will come that I get to, and that I just have to be patient... there's that word. Patience. Grr... But still... it will happen. *deep breath*
I feel drawn to write... a need to write... and it doesn't come out. I was listening to a Beyonce song... and it made me want to say those words in earnest. "I wanna leave my footprints on the sands of time... I was here, I lived, I loved, I was here, I did, I've done..."
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