Simple Excitements and Doors

There are many things in my day to day life that remind me how lucky and, above all, blessed that I have the life I do filled with the people that God has placed there for me. Things aren't always easy, but they are always worth it.

For example... After this week, I only have 2 days of work next week, and then a 30 hour week the first week in January. It makes me a little nervous, but it gives us the opportunity to turn what was going to be a 5 day trip (2 driving to and from, 3 actually visiting) into a 7 day trip (still 2 driving, but 5 visiting!) God has a plan for everything and I know that it will all be worked out. After Christmas, Chris won't be working at Walmart any more. His position was a seasonal temp and our store isn't keeping any of its temp associates it seems. While this is sad news, I have to believe that it just means that another door will be opening up soon and he will be in a better atmosphere that is more suited for him. Not that he doesn't like the guys at work, but its not something that he enjoyed doing. Just say a little prayer that the timing for the door will be soon.... we know its always perfect. There is a plan that we are trying to start into motion but its not ready for other ears... er, eyes rather in this case... just yet.

So as I was sitting on my break at work today, I was once again people watching. This time my subject was a little blonde girl, maybe 2 years old, looking at the toys that we have along the cart rail shelf as you first come into the store. Of course they are placed so the best toys for her age were right at her eye level. She would push a button on one of the toys and giggle... then run to another and push a button on it and giggle again, take a step back and eye up the aisle, her eyes landing on her next victim she would half dance, half run over to see what sound or light would come on that time. It made me smile as I remembered what it was like to have the pure and simple excitement as a child. It also made me think how fun it will be in the future whenever I have one of my own. I know it will happen, but not for a few years at least.

God is amazing. I've known that my whole life. However, sometimes the things that we have known need to be refreshed in our minds. We finally made it back to church last Sunday after being MIA for about a month due to work, illness, and a morning of laziness. It was a nice sermon about Radical Love... and how many Kings would ever lay down their crowns to die for someone else. There was a song that was sang during worship, Lord of Heaven and Earth. A song that I have known for years, and that they have used in worship a time or two since we've been attending there. But last night before he went to sleep, he needed to hear it. It had been stuck in his head all day and was the only thing that got him through the day. I almost cried. He isn't perfect, no one is. But to have the desire, the want to work towards being a more Godly man, I'm so blessed. He says that I remind him to be a better person, but he has no idea how much better I am because of him. I can't remember when I have been happier, felt safer, more loved, more cherished. There are still things that we need to work on.. to change to follow God's word. But we're working on them, and doing so together.

And for a final thought... I had a customer come up to me today at the service desk and after asking me about where to find paper mache materials, he/she asked "What is it that makes me not look like a woman?".... My only thought... I don't get paid enough for this...

*smile* He always has a way to make me feel better and make me happy. How I love that man.

Goodnight loves!

Day Off Number 1

Two days off in a row... really? How'd I get so lucky? Not being one to argue with a good thing, I didn't ask questions. I must say, although today wasn't what I had in mind, not in the least actually, it was productive. I got the laundry done, folded, hung, and all that good stuff. I did dishes twice, once before and once after dinner. Which, by the way, I actually made tonight. Went grocery shopping, mainly for the stuff for dinner, but got a couple other things too. It was burritos, and pretty tasty if I do say so my self. And to top things off, I just got out of the shower. So, I actually get to relax some now. Well, kinda. Still need to clean up the room a little bit more. We seems to have bottles everywhere. Ugh. Oh well. My day today was suppose to be spent with Chris, but some things came up and that didn't work out. Oh well. We'll have another day off together next week. Maybe it will happen then. I mean, I know I see him daily, but doesn't everyone want undivided attention every now and then? *shrug* Yet, some things just can't be helped.

Odd happening today, however. After doing dishes the first time I went into the bathroom and when I looked in the mirror I had a scratch across the top of my chest. Its a straight line and I have no idea what could have caused it. I didn't see it this morning when I woke up and its still there, its for sure a scratch. I kinda thought it might just be a red mark, but the skin is broke ever so slightly. So who knows. Jasmine kinda thinks she has something that follows her, and there are odd noises and happenings in the apartment every now and then, like the stove being on when no one used it that day. But I know God has us in the palm of His hand and that things will be fine. But I swear if thats what scratched me, we're gonna rumble.

I meet his family in roughly two weeks, and they hardly know I exist. I'm nervous. I know I shouldn't be, I mean who doesn't love me, right? HaHa.. yeah. I dunno... I know it will all be alright its just... ugh. I don't like being this way! I don't like being nervous about things. I don't like the unknown. Hmm...

Oh! So I also got an amazing Christmas card in the mail today! I love you, Rena and Alex! And I miss you tons!

I know there was something else that I wanted to chat about but for the life of me I can't think of what it is.. It will come to me I suppose. Gonna try to relax now, but I've been kinda restless today.

Of all the things...

... that would remind me of home, I'm watching an episode of Ghost Hunters and I find myself tearing up because they are in Mansfield, OH. They showed them on the roads and I felt my heart wrench a little. Not to say that I'm not happy here, I am. But that doesn't mean that I don't miss home, and my family. So as I sit here crying a little, the only things that I want more than Chris home to hug me is to feel the touch of my mom's hand on my cheek, to hug my grandma and my great aunt and my dad, to cuddle up with my puppy, and to know my family is close enough for me to see in a single day. I knew there would be days like this but that doesn't make it easier and I wouldn't change my decision for anything. I just need a teleporter. *nodnod*

I had a slight surprise today! My phone has been giving me issues the last week or so, but today my "o" key started working again! I was so excited! God is soo good! Not to mention I got 3, count'em 3, Christmas cards in the mail all in the same day! And Chris got one of his own. I know he'll be super tired when he gets home, but he'll be excited to see it.

My desire to lose weight has been renewed, and at this point, from when I started losing in February, I am down 33 pounds. :D... I still have quite a bit to lose, but it will happen. I'm determined. First order of business... lots more water and cranberry juice, and a lot less regular soda.

I should really be sleeping about now, I have work in the morning again at 10:30 am. But its hard for me to sleep when he isn't here, so I'll wait up until he gets home and then I'll drift off quietly, peacefully.

Oh! Update.... I got my days off approved for the end of December and beginning of January for the Cali trip. I'm so excited! It's been almost a year since he has been home, and it makes me happy to know that he'll get to be home in just a couple weeks. God is moving big with the plans, and I know that his scheduling manager will do his best to make it so he has the days off. Now if only I could make up my hours for the days I was given off... Hmm. God's a big God.

Mmm... I want something, but I don't know what. I know, really helpful for the weight loss thing, lol. I suppose its a good thing that I don't have any money to go get something.

I love you all!

Say a Prayer, please...

Just checked our schedules for over New Year's and we are both scheduled to work the 30th and 31st, which is when we were planning the Cali trip. I know God is big enough to move in this situation and that there is a reason for everything, so please say a prayer that He will move and it will be in His perfect timing. Gonna try to not stress about this.

It's that time again..

Those morning hours where I'm awake, but not fully here yet. Don't get me wrong, I love the morning. Its so pretty and makes me feel like I can accomplish anything. There are days where I would love to sleep the day away, but when I do, I just end up feeling like the day could have been so much more. I know, I know... I'm an odd one.

Anyway, on to my life... At this point, the end of this month and January cannot come fast enough. My phone, the piece of crap that I have been dealing with for almost a year, has decided that it doesn't see any reason for me to be able to use the "o" key. Hrmph. I would think that would be for me to decide. So if you get messages from me from my phone, and there are letters missing, just add in an "o" here or there and it should be fine. I promise I have not resorted to "text speak" as it drives me insane. I don't believe that adding all the letters into a word saves you that  much time. So in January, I can upgrade my phone. Yay! Now I just need to decide what kind of phone I want to get and we'll be all set. I just have to suffer until then. Ah well. And at the end of this month, as long as we can fund it, so please say a little prayer, we are going to Cali to visit Chris's family. He will have not seen them in 11? months so he's really looking forward to it. As am I, however I'm quite nervous. We still aren't official and they know I exist but don't know anything else.  And, well, you all know how I am about meeting new people... lol. So, lots of prayers if you please.

I have had a few songs stuck in my head lately, and I'm sure there's reason for each of them. The other day we went to Washington to pick up the copy of the game expansion that he had on reserve from before he moved and went to Blue Cannon. On the way home we were listening to my iPod and the song "The Man I Wanna Be" came on. When it ended he asked what I thought he could do to be a better man, the man that I think he should be. We discussed it a little bit on the rest of the drive home, and yesterday at work I was thinking about it and all I could think of was the new song by Sanctus Real, "Lead Me." So its been stuck in my head for about a day now, and I keep thinking of the back story of it.... lemme see if I can find it, for those that don't have any idea what I'm talking about.

Lead Me: The Story Behind the Song

And for those that haven't heard the song at all....

Sanctus Real "Lead Me"

So today is my day off. Yay! Not that I don't have anything to do, mind you:
-Oil change
-Hang laundry
-Get groceries
-Clean room
-Dishes?
-Call my momma
-Pay insurance, phone, credit card, internet, electric

Sounds like a blast, right? I know.... and somewhere in there I have to find some time to relax. And spend time with Chris before he goes to work tonight. I'm so proud of him. I know he isn't thrilled with his job, but he goes, and works his butt off, and doesn't complain too much. He really, truly is such a good man. <3.

I suppose its time for me to start my day. It's 10:30 over here and I went to bed kinda early last night. I still feel tired but I expect that with it being that time of the month. Ugh. Anyway... loves to you all!!!

Happy things!...mostly...

I drive home from work last evening only to find that the one parking space we have for the apartment is being occupied by a Comcast truck. Fantastic... So I turn around and make my way back to the street to park. It isn't terribly far, its just aggravating for the spot reserved for us to be taken by a vehicle that doesn't belong there. Anyway, I park and decide to check my phone before heading in, its illegal to use your phone in a non-hands free manner here, and as I'm doing so I hear foot steps and see a shadow coming up by my door. Within seconds Chris appears... Not something I expected but I was happy to see him nonetheless, so I asked what was up. He had been out knocking on the neighbor's doors trying to find the comcast guy to ask him to move for me. I almost fell over. *happy sigh* I love that man. Little things on a daily basis make me smile and never cease to amaze me. And always with perfect timing...it had been a rough day at work. I had a woman tell me I was doing my job wrong. It was one of those times I had to bite my tongue from asking her if she wanted to switch sides of the counter.

Today has been better. I'm closing, but its going quickly because we're so busy. I'm currently on my lunch, drinking a Dutch Bros coffee...mmmmm.

In less than a month I'll get to see California for the first time in my life. I'm so excited. But most of my excitement is knowing how much Chris is looking forward to seeing his family. I love when he's happy.

A facebook friend had a picture up on his profile that made me smile... it amazes me to no end how there are people that think that war is not needed and if we just back down, so will they. And the ones that say its against God. It makes me wonder jut how many times they were dropped on their head as a child. Anyway, the picture is around here somewhere... I may move it after I get home if it looks funny but I'll attach it to this email anyway. :)

Time to call my momma and say hello. *waves!*
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Things To Work On...

There are many things in my life that I either need to let go of or take more action against. Here's the start of that list:

1. Jealousy - it comes out of no where for no reason and isn't needed or provoked. It just needs to go.

2. Clean something every day.

3. Do something active, every day.

... TBC!
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"Sir I want to buy these shoes..."

I heard that song for the first time this season on my way home tonight and it always tugs on my heart. Not because it makes me sad, but because it reminds me what the season is truly about. Working in retail, I get to see small things and large things that people do for each other, however I also get to see the opposite end of things. People can be so petty....

Anyway...lets go back a few days!

Thanksgiving!
This year it was quite different than what I've been used to. Being in Oregon I have no family near by, there was no big dinner, but all in all, it wasn't bad. Jasmine and Nick went to their grandma's for a family gathering which left Chris and me to our own devices. The day before, I had suggested that we go to Shari's, a restaurant chain out here thats open 24/7. Their motto.." Year round, we never shut down." Anyway... I had the day off so we slept in, which was wonderful, and went to eat around 5. I was a little worried that it would be busy, but as we pulled into the parking lot there was just a few cars. We went in and were greeted warmly and sat by the manager who also promptly brought out our drinks. We were oo-ing and ah-ing over the menu, everything looked amazing! But, going traditional, we both got the Turkey Dinner... turkey, gravy, mixed veggies, sweet potatoes, mashed red skin potatoes, a large piece of corn bread and a side of cranberry sauce. And to top it off... we had soup to start, and pie for dessert. Everything, including the waitstaff, was amazing! But the thing that most impressed, but didn't surprise me really, was the amount of fun that Chris and I had just being together. We both missed our family and friends greatly, but for this year, just being with each other was enough. God has truly blessed me.

So today... was Black Friday... and I survived! I really did... It was a long day. 1-11pm for me, most of it spent at the service desk, save for the last 3 hours. But over all it was ok. Most everyone was in good spirits, associates included. And! I had home made mac and cheese waiting for me that Lindsay brought in. It was delicious. I came home today, made a couple cups of hot chocolate and put marshmallow fluff on the top and we shared the mac n cheese. Mmmm.

And to brag a bit more.. hehe, ok not brag, I'm just so thankful and blessed that he is the way he is. The other day we decided that the bed being under the leaking window was a bad idea. I know, who'da thunk it, right? So we decided to shift the bed to the opposite wall and such, all with just 45 minutes before I needed to leave for work. We were successful, but the bed was left unmade and piled with stuff. I expected to find it that way when I arrived home but, being the amazing guy he is, the room was fully put back together, and bed completely made! All 50 pounds of covers... hehe. We stay plenty warm now... but I'm still slightly in shock that I didn't have to ask, I didn't say a word. He just.. did. To know beyond the shadow of a doubt that he would hand me the world if it was his to give. *sigh* I love him...

Ah Monday...

Here it is again, that first day of the week that usually doesn't effect me too much. Working retail doesn't usually give one the actual weekend sensation so Mondays are no big deal, that is until customers decide to give me their issues that seem to come with Monday. I'm at Courtesy Desk today, and apparently I am to make the rest of the line wait while I go and find the items that a certain customer is wanting to return because she threw away the boxes. Said customer was perfectly fine with finding them for me when I mentioned it, yet was raving "I was just in such shock and disbelief that you would make me do such a thing!" when she returned to the counter. Next time... Keep your boxes. Kthanks. Anyway... Breaks over, back to work I go....
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Birthday Wishes!

(I tried to post this yesterday, but it failed... so ..)

Nov. 19:

On the way to the DMV this morning I was talking to Jasmine when I said something that made me stop and take a second. We were discussing the 35 question test I was going to have to take when out of my mouth popped "Well I should hope I'll pass it, I've been driving for almost 10 years..."

I turned 25 today. As much as I stand firm that age is just number and you are only as old as you feel, there are still things that tend to make me feel old. And that statement was one of them. It made me look back on my life and wonder where time has gone. I wouldn't change anything, in all honesty, because its what has happened in my life that has gotten me to where I am now. So, I remind myself that it doesn't matter who of my peers and former peers are married, have kids, or careers. I am where I'm meant to be in my life, and I'm happy with that. God knows what He's doing, and I'm going to let him do it.

On a different note, kinda...my day was fantastic, complete with a new experience for me. Chris, being the amazing guy he is, brought me flowers and a card to work. I almost fell over. I can't help but smile when he's around on a normal day, but tonight it seemed like all I could do was walk around with a goofy smile on my face. And you know how jealous it made the girls there. I keep telling him he's a rare breed but he denies it. "I'm just a decent guy." I always wondered what it would be like to be this happy.

 On an amusing note... I got phone calls from my mom, my grandma, and my brother. What does my dad do?  Posts "happy bday" on my facebook. Hehe. I love him.

Amazed...

So... To clarify the other day. I have been reminded how much my friends seem to love me. In the past two months it has been thrown into my face time and time again, and I can't help but smile for it. Examples, you say? Well, first off, my best friend jumped into a car with me and drove 2300 miles on my whim and very little planning. A new friend from work, knowing how much I wanted to be able to play WoW and wanting me to be able to play with her on there, bought me game time because she knew I didn't have the extra for it right now. A friend that I've known for a while, after seriously offering to pay for at least half of a CPU, should I find one that I like, for an early Christmas present has bought and shipped the collectors edition of the newest part of the game to me because he was missing me playing and doesn't want me left out. And then there's the love I feel and am shown on a daily basis. TBC...


*Ahem*

Sorry 'bout the sudden cut off, I was out of break time at work and out of room in the text box on my phone. Hehe. So where was I?

Ah yes, my daily loves... I live with some of the most amazing people I have ever come into contact with. I wake up and go to sleep with a smile on my lips and each new day holds promise and beauty. I'm not saying I don't get frustrated at times and that its all sunshine and rainbows. It isn't. But the way each day begins and ends gives me hope that someday, my life will be just the way I've always dreamed  it would be.
And last, but not least, I have my family, who in all honesty, have always been linked into my circle of friends. I talk to my mom daily and look forward to getting to hear her voice. When she sends me mail, her hand writing makes me cry. But its a good thing... I know that I miss her more than anything but that she's always there for me, no matter how many miles. I also know, and love knowing, that my brother and my dad are always just a text away.


Its the little things day to day that I don't always notice at the time, yet when I do it hits me hard just how much I'm loved. And I'm always amazed by it.

Speechless...

I can't help but be in awe of how amazing my friends are...

I'll explain later.

Dead Batteries and Random Messages...

My car... my lovely little car... why must you aggravate me so? This isn't the first time... and you trick me into thinking you won't do it again, yet you always seem to. You think I would learn...
So my day... work was from 8:30 am to 4:30 pm as a cashier. Not too bad, we were pretty busy so the day was zooming past! I get told its lunch time! Woohoo! So.. I grab my stuff, I get my purse, my keys... I'm heading to my sweet (or so it lets me think) little Kia, I press the Unlock button, and.... nothing happens. Great. I know where this is heading due to it not being the first time. That pretty little car that brought me some 2300 miles across the U.S. of A., has once again decided to keep its lights on (they're automatic, or suppose to be) and run down my poor battery. *sigh* So now my nice, easy going, fast paced day... has screeched to a halt. Frustration in my voice, I call my Momma.
"It happened again... my battery is dead."
"I'm sorry baby. Do you think you need a new one?"
"No... its just the thing with the lights..I'm gonna see if it might recharge itself a bit before my lunch is over."
"Ok... but can you call Chris? Would he be able to help?"
"Yeah, I'm gonna call him now. I just ... I'm just frustrated."
.....

*ring*ring*ring*

"What's up, Honey?"
"First of all, I'm sorry..."
"For.. what?"
"I need you to come to McMinnville when I get off at 4:30..."
*concerned voice* "What happened to your car?"
"Its dead."
"Dead how?"
"The battery... my lights... it will ding with the key but it won't turn over. I'm sorry... "
"Don't even worry about it. Its what I'm here for. I'll be there when you get off work. Not a big deal. *pause*    What time do I need to leave here to be there by 4:30?"


And that ... is one of the many things that make me smile daily. Nothing is a huge deal, nothing is out of the way, nothing is out of reach. I'm never a burden, and even when I do mess something up, we laugh about it. And God is so good... there was a space open right next to my car when he got there and the batteries are on opposite sides of the vehicles so they were positioned perfectly.

And then my phone started to freak out... but... all is well now!

On a slightly different note, I woke up around 5 am and checked my phone, as is my habit, to find a message on yahoo that made me smile and almost cry. "....I actually consider you a true friend. One of my best friends." from one that I have yet to meet in person. I'm excited for that chance! And Sir.. I'm honored to be able to call you "friend."

Of Birthdays and Achievements...

So... I will get the geek side of this post out of the way first. *Grin* I just want to say how proud I am of <Dark Sun Army> and their first defeat, in a full guild run, of the Lich King. It's been a long time coming, and you guys are amazing!

*Ahem*

Anyway. The last few days have been good. Both fun and relaxing while being filled with excitement and, of course, work. But to the fun things! Friday was Chris's 23rd birthday. Woo! *sings "Happy Birthday" again* And it just so happened that I had Friday off so I actually got to spend the whole day with him. It was a good time, I have to say. Pretty low key but, sometimes those are the best. The night before I had baked his cake (he can't remember anyone ever 'baking' him a cake before!) and did the main icing on it. I was going to do it all Friday morning as a big surprise, but our oven is really hot! I was watching it like crazy, it makes me so paranoid. A cake that was suppose to take at least a half hour to bake was done in just under 20 minutes. So I made it Thursday night, double layer chocolate cake with dark chocolate icing and a layer of coconut pecan icing in between, (It was amazing!) and I stuck it in the microwave for safe keeping. Up bright and early the next morning, I had Jasmine draw a Horde symbol and cut it out. Refreshing the icing on top just a bit, I used red sprinkles to put the symbol on the cake, and wrote "For The Horde!" across the bottom with "Zilladoom" across the top. (Yes, all stuff from WoW) Candles placed, and back into the microwave it went.

For breakfast, I made 2 different kinds of biscuits. My regular homemade Jiffy ones that go perfect with my gravy, and Pillsbury ones that he used to have all the time as a kid. Neither of which were burned in any way in the special oven of ours, I was so happy! There was also bacon, the gravy that my grandma taught me to make *smile*, and fried apples with smoked sausage. (Jasmine, while eating some of the sausage and apples later tells me that she may be in love with my sausage and ask me to make it more, hehe)
So finally, with everything complete, we pull the cake out and find a lighter. I take a piece of biscuit in and wake him up, knowing it will go over better if he has something to chew on, and give him a 5 minute warning, breakfast is almost ready. Can I just say that I hate the regular birthday cake candles? They burn way too fast! We got it lit and I really thought the cake would have a coating of wax all over it before he found his way to the kitchen, haha, but finally it was time! The look on his face was priceless! I had to almost poke him to blow the candles out because he was just staring at them, smiling.
We spent the rest of the day eating cake, snacking on left overs from breakfast, and playing video games. He's teaching me how to play "Champions, A Call to Arms"... I think that's the right name. There was a nap in there somewhere too. It was fantastic.


And now, its Sunday! I'm getting ready to get dressed and wake him up for church. I'm actually off work today as well so who knows what the day will hold! My love to you all!

A Night on Orion's Belt...

Driving home tonight after working my 8 hour shift, my mind began to wonder slightly to the "what ifs" as it does from time to time. "What if I had stayed at home? Did I really do the right thing by moving here? It's so far away from my family... I mean I know I'm happy here, and I'm less stressed than I was but...." And about that 'but' I looked straight out of my windshield and something caught my eye... Orion. I couldn't help but smile. For as long as I can remember, I have enjoyed being able to find the stars in the winter that mark Orion's Belt. In many ways it has comforted me in the past, knowing that no matter where I am, I can find it and know just where it falls in the sky at the house. Tonight was one of those nights.. the reminder that I needed. That no matter how far I travel, where ever I choose to roam, God is a big God and He knows my heart and my desires. He holds my family in His hands just as he holds me. And that no matter how far I am, its never too far.

As I sit here and type this, my eyes are slightly misty and I should really be asleep... but I just can't seem to get there. No, my heart isn't heavy, and my mind isn't going a million miles a hour for once. (Shocker there, I know). Day after day I feel more at peace with things, with myself. And day after day, I find myself better able to take in the beauty around me and know that this is what God has wanted for me all along. For my heart to return to Him so He can give me the peace and comfort that I need, fill the empty spot that's been there for so long. And through all these thoughts, I look to my right and see one of the most amazing men I've ever had the pleasure and privilege of knowing, and I see how he is trying, too, to get his life back to where he's happy. And that somehow, some way, I've been able to help with that. I can't help but smile. I can't help but to know that from here on out, life is looking up. I've broken hearts that I wish didn't have to be broken, but I can only hope and pray that they will be better for it. I've broken promises that I should never have made. I've told lies where I should have been honest. But the beauty of having a past is the fact that you can learn from your mistakes and take care to not walk those paths again.

“What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now.” -source unknown

Please forgive me...

I know that I have done things in the past that didn't turn out the way I thought they would... And that I could have handled things differently. I tried so hard to save hearts from being hurt... Tried in perhaps the wrong way. But I never did anything with malice... it wasn't my agenda to hurt and use, however that seems to be how its come across to some. I've made mistakes. But does that really mean that I need to relive them again and again? To answer for the same ones over and over? I've apologized in more ways than I can count... I just.. I give up. Yes, this year has been about me and what I've wanted. It has been 9 months of me making decisions based on my life and my heart. I'll be 25 in 18 days. Is that so horrible? That for one period of my life, my thoughts, my choices are following my heart and not someone else's desires? Does that make me a horrible person?

Such simple words...

...who knew they could almost make me cry. Since leaving for Oregon, I have only talked to my dad through Yahoo messenger, and a few texts. Chatting with him before work the other day he said the simplest thing. "Call me sometime." and I about burst into tears. I've yet to figure this one out, but the closest that I've come is that sometimes I feel like it doesn't matter if I talk to him or not in his mind. Don't get me wrong, I know it does. And I've never doubted that he loves me. It's just sometimes, I wonder if he's satisfied enough with our text conversations. It's nice to know that he still would like to actually talk...that he wouldn't be burdened. And yes, I know he's my father, and I'm not a burden.... its hard to explain.

Anyway...

Church was a good time this morning. The pastor has a way of preaching that I've seen in few. He's relaxed, easy going, funny... and he makes his point. This week he was teaching on Obeying the Law, Mat 5:17-20, and how so many times we hear people say that "That was old testament, it doesn't apply to today" but in verse 17 it states that He didn't come to abolish the old ways...and that the pastor, after studying on it for more that 2 weeks, came to the answer of that God wants us, has always wanted us, to keep the Spirit of the laws he put forth. That since the old testament days, he has broadened them and made them deeper. 3 weeks in... I like it there. It's starting to feel like "home." And I can't tell you how amazing it is to not have to fight someone to go to church with me...or to defend myself against another about why I think its important to go. God has blessed me, and I'm thankful more and more every passing day for what He's done for me, and given me. <3

Tomorrow... or today I suppose.. November 1st. This amazing Monday. Oxymoron? Nah.. I have it off. *smile* Therefore, its amazing! Friday is Chris's 23rd birthday. How exciting, right? I'm excited. I have that day off too, so I'm going to get up and make breakfast. My signature, of course! Bacon, biscuits and gravy, fried apples and smoked sausage... yum! I can taste it already. But, that means I have to go to the store later (maybe...) and get the stuff to make it.

*yawn* I suppose my pillow isn't suppose to talk? Even though I can hear it calling my name... But that's just silly... pillows don't have mouths.

Are you a Ducks or Beavers fan?

"Neither... I'm a Buckeye!"

A customer came through my line today and that was his greeting, as was that my reply. Proudly pronouncing my firmness in bleeding Scarlet and Gray. It seems to be the little things that remind me of home. The guy tonight then proceeded to tell me that he had just finished a job on a bridge that had come out from Ohio to work on it. Everywhere I look, there's something to remind me. I enjoy these moments. Just the other day a gentleman came to my register wearing a Brown's jersey and it made me smile. We chatted for a few minutes about how beautiful it was out that way, and how he found himself lost on some back roads but knew that if he just kept driving east he would, and did, eventually find the interstate again.
I had the day off yesterday so the three of us decided to make a trip to Goodwill to see if we could find a few things cheap for the apartment. Jasmine drove herself due to wanting the windows down, since she isn't sick now, and so she followed Chris and me in his truck. We stopped to grab some Chinese after the shopping exploit (we now have a dish rack!), and after that made our way back into town, just enjoying the drive itself. The land here reminds us both of home in some way or another, and everything seems to have so much character. I said something to that effect and he agreed, following it with "Are you sure it doesn't just seem that way because we're here together?" All I could do was smile and ask, "Perhaps, but does it really matter?" The fact of the matter is, we've found a happiness. A place to be ourselves and not feel the need to put on a mask for anyone. I look at him daily, I see the light in his eyes, the joke on his lips, and I can't help but smile. The future is uncertain, but I know that as long as I can call him my friend, all will be well.

And yet, there are still things that I come across in my day to day, that break my heart. There are parents, people, individuals that I would like to smack, yell at, and some just beat down. I had a couple come through my line this evening with 3 little ones. The oldest, a girl about 6 or 7 perhaps, was trying to help. All she wanted to do was put the merchandise onto the counter, and put the bags back into the cart. Yet, for some reason, the mother just kept repeating the same few phrases over and over at her. "Just shut up! I don't want your help. Just stop. I said shut up!" And if that wasn't bad enough, not only did the guy she was with just stand there all but oblivious, the little girl wasn't phased at all. She just kept going on, doing her thing. How sad is it that a child, any child, would be so used to being talked to that way. Does she ever feel like she's something more than a burden? Does she have any idea what its like to be loved? ... I just...I don't understand.

The Journey, Pt. 2...

So where was I...Oh yeah. So... My car fully loaded with everything imaginable, we climb in, say our final "See ya later!'s" and we hit the road. The trip was amazing... and beautiful... and scary at times. Never again do I want to drive all the way across Nebraska, Wyoming, Idaho, or Iowa... It's just not pleasant. And someone please shoot me if I ever get an idea in my head that east Oregon is a good place to be. I promise, it isn't.

But, 3 days later, we're close! Almost getting rammed in Portland. That was a fun experience! I think people out here mistake the two O's on my license plates as being bull's eyes. We get into town, and find the place... All we can think is, "It will look better in the morning... It has to look better in the morning...Right?" And boy did it...

I've been here 3 weeks now, and I know a part of me is falling in love. Ohio will always be Home Sweet Home... but this place. The vineyards, the people, the coffee *grin*... Its growing on me. I drive to and from work and I see mountains, vineyards, pastures... The small towns I pass through have so much character, and so many shops that I can't wait to take mom into when she comes to visit. It rains quite a bit, but much like Ohio, the weather can change every 5 minutes. Pouring, to bright and sunny, to bright and sunny while pouring..

I miss my family, my friends, my puppy...But when it all shakes down, I like it here. I think I'm gonna be ok.

The Journey...

When I decided I was going to move to Oregon, a 2400 mile/36hour adventure, the first thing that came to mind was "What is my family going to say?" I knew they would be supportive, and they were, but I was so worried that it would break their hearts. Somehow, they knew that it wasn't them I was leaving, I was just...leaving. Close to 4 months of planning and saving later, not knowing I actually had a place to live until hardly 2 weeks before the big move, and nights of crying myself to sleep wondering if I was making the biggest mistake of my life, my car was loaded up and I was ready to go.
Lemme tell ya, the loading was oh so fun... 4 space saver bags, 7 boxes, 6 bags, and a laundry basket later, there was honestly barely room for us to sit in the front seats. But, I had the best traveling partner I could ever as for. Corrine, without a second thought about coming with me, climbed in and said "Let's go!".... And so, we went...

(I'll have to finish this later.. work time!)

So.. here I am.

I've always said that a part of me has been the heart of a gypsy. Or at least that's how its felt. From the time I can remember knowing what "traveling" was, I've wanted to go. Just go. There have been times that I felt so trapped where I was and just knew that I would always be there. But so much has changed since then.

I suppose I should start at the beginning....

I'm Sarah. In November, I will turn 25. I was born and raised in the wonderful state of Ohio, where no matter where you are inside the state, you are no more than a 5 hour drive from 2 of the best amusement parks in the country (Paramount's King's Island and Cedar Point), two of the nation's best zoos (Columbus Zoo & Aquarium, yes it's one of Jack Hanna's, and Cincinnati Zoo & Botanical Garden), and the only stadium that has the privilege and right to bleed Scarlet and Gray, the home of the Ohio State Buckeyes, The Horseshoe. (Not that I love Ohio or anything.... *eyeroll, grin*)
In February, I ended a 5 year relationship that I just knew I would spend the rest of my life in. It wasn't until I had called the wedding off at least twice and was spending many nights crying myself to sleep that I realized there was no way that I could be happy with him. So, to be fair to us both, I gave back the ring, and moved home. I have no ill feelings towards him, and we're still friends. I just couldn't honestly answer him when he asked if I was still in love with him. What kind of life would that be for anyone involved? So anyway, I moved home and was blessed with a position at Wal-Mart in Richmond, Indiana. My days were spent working, spending time with my family and sometimes with friends, and playing WoW (World of Warcraft). Yes, I'm a geek at heart and proud of it. It was through WoW that I met Jasmine... or Vampireshade as she's known in game. She was moving back to here home town here in Oregon from spending a year in Washington state. The conversation went something as follows: "Hey, so, I'm moving back to Newberg in a few months. Wanna come live with me?"... "Um.. ok!" and that was that. So, I waited out my 6 months and transferred. I now live in Newberg, OR... and have been for close to 3 weeks. In the posts that follow, you'll get to hear my story.